


Would You Tell Me What the Fuck I'm Here to Do

by preblematic



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Falling In Love, First Time, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Sibling Incest, cute boys being in love, the tiniest amount of smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-15 06:58:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16057907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preblematic/pseuds/preblematic
Summary: It takes Gerard and Mikey years to figure out what they're doing.





	Would You Tell Me What the Fuck I'm Here to Do

     Mikey wakes up excited. He went to sleep excited. He's probably going to be excited all day, honestly. Today is The Day. This morning of September the tenth, 1998, Michael James Way turns eighteen years of age. He's legal as  _ shit _ now.

     The whole day he can't stop bouncing. His mom makes pancakes and smiles, says she's glad he's excited for his birthday for once. He cuts a glance across the table to Gerard who smiles at him through pancake. Mikey says yeah, he's excited.

     They spend most of the day together. Mikey asked off work, and a few of their friends come over. Mikey sits next to Gerard at all times, thighs pressed together in a way that's just this side of acceptable. Somebody brought weed, but Mikey declines when it's offered to him. He wants to remember this night in full clarity.

     “Hey, you're the birthday boy,” they say with a laugh,” do what you want.”

     Gerard leads the singing of Happy Birthday, and Mikey can't blow out all eighteen of the candles Gerard insisted were there. Gerard leans in and helps him, and someone makes a comment about his hair catching fire. They laugh. Mikey gets frosting on his nose but not his glasses. Gerard tries to lick it off to no avail.

     They sit around and shoot the shit for a while before everyone goes home. Gerard gets all his socialization for the  _ week _ in this one day, but he doesn't want to leave Mikey. Wants to be there as a constant reminder of what this birthday means for them, as though it's not the only thing Mikey’s thought about all day. Gerard had kissed him goodnight last night and whispered,” Tomorrow’s the day,” against his hair. 

     After the last person says their goodbyes, Gerard grabs Mikey's wrist and tugs him toward the basement. Their mom went to bed--with a final, “Happy birthday, Mikey,” and a warning to keep the noise down-- _ ages  _ ago. The setup couldn't be more perfect.

     They make it as far as the basement door before they have to stop for a minute, before Mikey is laying desperate little kisses on any part of Gerard’s skin that he can reach. His hands reach around and grope Gerard’s ass; they're  _ allowed to _ now.

     “Mikes, Mikes,” Gerard says. He giggles when Mikey’s hair tickles his chin. “I gotta get the door open, pretty.” Mikey bites Gerard’s bottom lip in protest. ” C’mon, Mikes,” Gerard whines,” blowjobs.”

     Mikey makes a noise like Gerard's just reminded him that they have Oreos in the kitchen. “Yes, fuck yes.” He rubs his hips up against Gerard.

     Gerard reaches back and opens the door, and the two of them go stumbling back into the room. Gee walks backwards until he hits the bed, sits on the edge and pulls Mikey in to straddle his lap. 

     Mikey can't decide where he wants to touch most. All of it had been off limits. He starts by running his hands up under Gerard’s shirt. Gerard kisses him, and it’s everything Mikey has ever wanted. 

     It’s the first time Mikey’s ever gotten his dick sucked. He’s fucked around before. He’s not a virgin by anyone’s definition, but he always declined this particular offer. Gerard has been whispering about how much he wants to get his mouth around Mikey since Mikey was sixteen. Gerard had Rules, and even when Mikey practically  _ begged  _ Gerard to fuck him, Gerard had said no, not until he was eighteen.

     But Mikey's eighteen now, and his brother is kneeling on his bedroom floor sucking him off. Gerard is making these happy little moans. He’s wiggling his hips like he just can’t help himself, and it’s so fucking hot. Mikey fists a hand in Gerard’s hair and comes in his mouth.

     Gerard raises his eyebrows at that, looking up at Mikey through greasy hair and long lashes. Mikey blushes and looks down. That plan backfires, because looking down just means looking at Gerard. Gerard, whose nose is about two inches away from Mikey’s pubes, who’s fucking  _ swallowing _ around Mikey’s spent cock.

     “F-fuck,” Mikey moans, head lulled back. “S-sorry I was so quick,” he adds between panting breaths. Gerard isn't  _ stopping. _

     Gerard rubs his hands up and down Mikey’s thighs, soothing. It's a juxtaposition with the way he’s sucking Mikey’s cock like he needs it to breathe. Mikey’s leg twitches. He feels like he needs to come again, but he's not sure that's  _ possible _ . Gerard has decided that it is, though.

     Mikey winds up flat on his back, panting. Gee hasn’t stopped sucking on his cock since he went down there, and that was like thirty minutes ago. If Mikey comes one more time he thinks he might actually pass out.

     “Gee,” he whines. “Gee, Geegeegeegeegeegee, Gee _ ee _ .” Mikey keeps trying to close his legs, but Gerard’ shoulders are blocking him. “Gee, fuck, I  _ can’t--”  _ He cuts himself off with a low groan, and his legs reflexively clamp around Gerard's shoulders. “Please!”

     Gerard stays where he is, pulls one more orgasm out of his little brother. Mikey starts crying when Gerard finally pulls off. His dick is soft and so,  _ so  _ sensitive; just the feel of it touching his skin is making him squirm and whine. 

     “Shh.”  Gerard crawls up on the bed, lays himself over Mikey. He kisses Mikey’s cheek and drapes himself over his brother like a blanket, carefully avoiding his cock. “Shh, Mikes,” he murmurs against Mikey’s skin.

     Mikey can feel Gerard's erection against his thigh, but he literally can't move. “Kiss me,” he says. Gerard obliges, and it's all Mikey can do to lift his head up into it. Gerard takes the opportunity to roll his hips against Mikey, looking for friction.  Mikey manages to get his hand between them and down the front of Gerard’s open pants.

     Gerard whines and comes in Mikey's hand. He slumps down, kisses tiredly at Mikey's neck. “Fuck,” he says, with feeling. It's the sort of “fuck” where you can feel the tension leaving the body with every second the vowel is held.

     “That was good,” Gerard says a moment later. Mikey is beyond words by this point, but he makes an affirmative noise. “Cmon, Mikes.” Gerard tugs Mikey up so they’re both on the pillows then pulls the blanket over them.

     “Best birthday ever,” Mikey mumbles against Gerard’s shoulder. Gerard laughs.

     They fuck a lot after that. It's always quick, and it's always rough, and it's always the best sex that Mikey’s ever had. Two months after Mikey’s birthday, Gerard  starts dating this girl named Sammi. She’s delicately pretty with bleached hair and too much eyeliner for a twenty year old. The night after Gerard introduces her to Mikey, he pulls Mikey down into his room and rides his cock until they’re both mumbling incoherently, and Mikey gets it. This is how it’s going to be, then.

     Gerard stays with Sammi for two months. He's never been good in a relationship, too needy and borderline alcoholic to hold it together. Mikey, though, Mikey goes through spells.  If he forces himself to shower and doesn't get manic, he can keep a relationship alive. 

     He starts dating this girl named Jess, and she's sweet. She lets them fuck with the lights on, lets Mikey press kisses to her thighs and tell her he loves her, even though they both know he doesn't, not really. She’s there for the experience, not the end game, and Mikey’s always been good at pretending. 

     On nights when their mom works late, Gerard fucks him until he screams, and on nights when she doesn't, Gerard will sit on Mikey’s cock until Mikey is begging and squirming for him to just move. It's dirty, messy, and it leaves him aching in all the right places, and then he can go and see Jess and kiss her neck and tell her he loves her and take his time mapping out her curves. He wonders if Gerard’s hips are sensitive, if Gerard would let Mikey fuck him slow and easy on a Sunday morning, mumbling nonsense and ‘I love you’ into his ear the whole time.  He wonders if Gerard ever did that with Sammi. 

     Years pass, Gerard graduates college and has a string of unsuccessful girlfriends and vicious breakups. Mikey almost gets Jess pregnant, and the two decide to end things. Mikey has a string of falsely intimate lovers and can't manage to detach himself from his brother’s cock long enough to get a ‘real girlfriend.’

     When Mikey is twenty one, they move out together. Mikey naively hopes this means something is going to change, but it doesn't. Gerard still has horrible breakups. They get separate bedrooms and sleep in separate beds, and and Gerard will still sloppily suck his cock. Sure, now they can do it in the living room, but it's still not what Mikey wants.

     “So I've been thinking.” Gerard doesn’t bother knocking on Mikey’s open door; Mikey would have closed it if he didn't want visitors. Mikey is in bed dicking around on his phone, texting someone, he looks up when Gerard talks.

     “What happened to you?”  Mikey asks. Gerard, frankly, looks like shit. His eyes are red and puffy. His hair looks like a rat’s nest, like he's been pulling and tugging at it. His hand is drumming incessantly at his thigh. His cheeks are flushed, and he's been smoking; Mikey can smell it on him. Crying eyes, messy hair, twitching, drinking, smoking, Mikey knows what that means. “Wait, Katie?”

     “We broke up,” Gerard confirms. Mikey thinks it was probably more a she broke up with Gerard kind of situation. Gerard has initiated exactly one breakup in his life, and it was because she called Mikey an annoying little bitch. Mikey had been thirteen, and it hadn't really phased him. Gerard had been furious and broken up with her on the spot.

     “I'm sorry,” Mikey says. It's his go-to line. He said it when he was thirteen, after Sayra Borne finished screaming at Gerard and stormed out of their house. It's the first thing he says every time Gerard comes to him after a breakup; he always feels like it's his fault.

     “Don't be,” Gerard answers, shakes his head. He comes and sits next to Mikey. Mikey silences his phone and sets it to the side. He's expecting Gerard to climb into his lap. He's expecting Gerard to look for a pity fuck, and Mikey will give it to him. He always does.

     He's not expecting Gerard to look down at his hands and say,” I think we should date.” Mikey is so completely not expecting it that his brain hiccups and he misses it.

     “Uh, could you say that again?” he asks. Surely he heard that wrong. 

     “I, uh.” Gerard laughs nervously. “I think we, you and me, us, we--I think that we should, maybe try, uh, something like a romantic relationship.”

     Mikey’s brain short circuits, refuses to process the information it has been given. It's not disbelief so much as shock. He realizes that Gerard is waiting for an answer, watching him expectantly. His eyes are wide, and he’s sort of hunched in on himself.  “Uh,” is the best Mikey can give him. Gerard deflates.

     “Fuck,” Gerard breathes to himself. “This was stupid; I’m stupid.” He stands up, starts to leave the room. “Sorry, I’ll--”

     “No!” Mikey reaches out and grabs Gerard’s wrist to stop him from leaving. “ No, Gee, it’s not stupid. Come back. I-I like this idea. You just surprised me.” He tugs Gerard back down onto the bed and moves to sit beside him, holds Gerard's hand in both of his. “Talk to me.”

    “I just. I'm shit,” he says,” at relationships. You're you; you're good at this. You love them, and they love you, and it always lasts, and you're the only--” He stops his almost incoherent babbling and sucks in a breath. 

    Mikey rubs circles on Gerard’s hand with his thumb, moves his other hand to rub Gerard’s back. He doesn't tell Gerard that he's only right about part of that. Mikey never loved them, and he doesn't know if they loved him. Just because they said it to each other didn't make it true. They were kids playing pretend that sex made them meant for each other. Mikey has all sorts of romantic notions in his head that he's spent his whole life smothering. He’s in love with his brother so there are a lot of things he doesn't get to have.

    “I love you first,” Mikey says,” before anyone else. You know that.” Gerard looks up at him, startled, like maybe he  _ didn’t  _ know that. Mikey brushes his fingers over Gerard's cheek, presses his thumb gently into the hollow under his eye socket, traces the tip of his ring finger over the very edge of Gerard’s ear. “You’re the most important person in the world to me.” He leans in and presses the barest kiss to Gerard's lips.

    When he pulls back, Gerard's eyes are shut, and he's got one hand loosely fisted in Mikey's shirt. “Wha’d’ya say?” he asks gently, breathing the words against Gerard's cheek. “You wanna be my boyfriend, Gee?” He presses a kiss to the side of Gerard's neck. “You wanna be my husband?” Another kiss, to Gerard’s jaw this time. “We’re already family.”

    Gerard whines when Mikey slides a hand up his thigh.  “Yes,” Gerard says against the side of Mikey's head, pressing a kiss into whatever skin he finds there. Mikey registers, vaguely, as he's pushing Gerard back against the mattress, that he's just, in all seriousness, proposed to his brother, and his brother has answered a resounding,“Yes, Mikey.”

    Mikey settles his weight on his brother, kisses his neck and his jaw and his cheekbones, the bridge of his nose, finally settling on his mouth when Gerard grabs him by the hair and pulls him in. His phone clatters to the floor when he shifts again getting up on his knees to hover over Gerard. Neither one of them spares it a thought. “I’ll get you a ring,” he says, absolutely serious. Gerard is staring up at him with the biggest, dopiest grin on his face. He rests his hands on Mikey's arms, traces them soothingly up then down.

    “Mikey,” he says around his grin,” we can't even get married.”

    “Well, not  _ legally  _ or for  _ tax purposes _ ,” Mikey concedes. His eyes flutter happily when Gerard's fingers find the skin of his inner arm. “But if you'll agree to wearing a symbol of your undying adoration of me, I won't  _ stop _ you.”

    “We still have to see mom,” Gerard reasons,” and Ray, and--fuck, Mikey.” Mikey’s leaned down and started mouthing at the pulsepoint on Gerard’s neck.

    “You’re ruining the mood,” he says, close against Gerard’s ear. “Let me fucking love you, you dumbass.” So Gerard does.


End file.
